Networking and Socialising

It does not come naturally to introverted leadersto "work the room"; many are not immediately comfortable in social or semi social situations which involve making polite conversation with a number of new people yet networking is an important aspect of building work and business relationships

Challenges

because by its very nature, networking tends to involve contact with a lot of people at once, it tends to drain introverted leaders’ energy very quickly
socialising, and particularly dinners, seemed to be one of the most challenging and disliked aspects of leadership for introverted leaders
walking into a crowded room of strangers is particularly challenging
conference dinners, or dinners at residential training events can be exhausting, especially when you have been amongst large numbers of people all day
an unwillingness or inability to network effectively can place limitations on your career, in certain fields.

What introverted leaders said about the challenges of Networking and Socialising:

“I'm less sociable than others and less willing to do networking/marketing. That leads to a lower personal profile when networking/meeting others/forming alliances.”
“I'm still uncomfortable at times when there's a lot of small-talk - like buffet lunches in the middle of a conference. I'm often to be found studying a very dull leaflet left out by the venue, or taking longer than strictly necessary to go to the loo!”
“On occasions the demands to 'network' and 'perform' have been stressful/energy sapping.”
“ I am also not naturally very gregarious, and at more senior levels, a degree of 'schmoozing' is expected, which I am not very good at.”
“My weaknesses in networking - although I got better at it, and am less socially hopeless in role than in private, I think that this became perhaps one of the most important limitations on my career.”
“I felt there was an ‘in crowd’ and an ‘out crowd’ and I didn’t even want to be part of the ‘in crowd’.”
“I tend not to do conferences. I don’t think there is anything much worse than going to a formal dinner. I get asked to dinners in London but I just don’t do it. I don’t mind working breakfasts but staying late for dinner is not my idea of fun.”
“I don’t like residential training. We get to the dinner and my heart just sinks. By the evening I am so tired, I don’t feel like being there. My head is so full, I feel uncomfortable sitting there especially with groups of people I don’t know that well.”
“On a busy project, if I can't get some space for reflection, and the extroverts are keen to socialise over meals or in a pub until late at night, I get very tired and desperate to get away and 'switch off'.”
“I've felt that my profile and visibility has suffered on many occasions because I rarely engage in social activities with work colleagues outside work. I used to do so, but if I stayed sober I felt painfully self-conscious and out of sorts in a big group - and, while I felt more relaxed if I had a drink or two, I would tend to get involved in very 'deep' conversations with individuals in the group which then put me under more pressure than I wanted to support them after the social event (I'd end up in 'counselling' mode!).”

Positive Approaches to Networking and Socialising:

focus networking on 1:1 situations rather than groups
if you have the choice, arrange to meet people for coffee or lunch as it will be shorter and more conducive to a one-to-one discussion
recognising that your reaction to walking into a crowded room of strangers is common to introverted leaders and that you are not alone
having a sense of being ‘in role’ can help when networking
reading the attendance list and targeting a few important contacts
visualising and mentally preparing for an event: perhaps preparing a list of interesting conversation topics before going
setting personal challenges, such as making five new contacts before you leave the room
initially focusing on people you already know, while you adjust to the surroundings
nurturing a few good clients and contacts rather than spreading the net more widely
asking questions to let others do the talking
looking out for those who are not part of larger discussions and latching on to them
offering to facilitate small workshops or group discussions - this can give you a clear role and the opportunity to be visible without having to resort to social chit-chat
carefully controlling the amount of time spent in networking situations and recognising that you do not have to be ‘there’ for the whole time
explaining in advance that you will have to leave early
simply choosing not to go to dinners.

What introverted leaders said about how they make Networking and Socialising work for them:

“I am known for my extensive networks. I tend to maintain these through "real" one-to-one relationships nurtured and developed over years. I spend time with people one-to-one rather than "working the room" which doesn't fit my natural style so well.”
“In big events/conferences, I try to orientate towards people I know initially to make myself more comfortable with the surroundings.”
“I cope with ‘circulating’. I look for someone who isn’t in a closed circle and then I “make myself” go and talk to them.”
“Planning ahead: if I do need to ‘work a room’ or make my presence felt in a particular setting, I plan in advance and give myself targets. So I am very purposeful. For example I will read the attendance list and decide who to target.”
“I prepare and think what I need to do. I visualise how I will do it. In a way I have kind of cross-hatched this from sport – it is like visualising the shot.”
“I sought out and took speaking or chairing slots at external events to gain experience and raise my confidence in a neutral environment.”
“I can do the social things much better in role.”
“I try to meet people for breakfast, coffee or lunch rather than dinner as I am likely to be less tired.”
“Explaining in advance that I will need to leave early (eg at social events). This gives me the option to leave if I get too drained and tired, without embarrassment. If I have more energy than I expected and it turns out I can stay longer, then nobody bothers that you'd originally said you'd go! This saves having to make awkward excuses to leave.”
“Actively planning something else to do when there is a large dinner or something, and then giving those I'd really like to talk to the option of coming with me!”